This is a tragic comedy.

First college entry.

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 11:10:04 GMT

Cut the shit. I'm reliving this LJ for memories' sake. Sir Redillas told the class to go for art as long as we are still young so that we can compare our works from the past to our works of future. And i'm considering writing as my...ehem, Art.

***

College wasn't that bad. It may not be as cool if ever i'd gone to lasalle (i'll never know, man)..but no regrets at all. UP Manila isn't that bad.

First week was hell. I had no friends. I talked with no one. Adjusting period was still ongoing. College is a lot lot lot lot different from Highschool. Back in hs, i was the star (or i just think...therefore, i am.) But that time, i was more of a loner. I enjoyed long walks ALONE. I talk to myself almost most of the time. And felt convinced with the thought that i'll never gain friends again. Almost every night of that crucial hell first week, i cry. I miss the people whom i shared my sweetest highschool memories with. I always close my eyes thinking that things would just pass by and that i'll go back to the past i used to live -highschool. But then....when i opened my eyes...this is still reality. I go to the school beside PGH. I walk alone from one street to another (Padre Faura to Pedro Gil). I stick with people i barely know. I go with them for lunch without even knowing what their names are. For that week, i felt the real loneliness what Britney Spears was singing...."ay yay yay yay, my loneliness is killing meee...."

Second week went good. I had this group of people who were kind enough to befriend me. They were cool and happy people. We laugh together and make fun of each other. But one thing is still missing...myself. Cliche it is, but i don't see myself whenever i'm with them. Yeah, we laugh alot. We talk alot. But...don't get me wrong. I do love them it's just that i'm still learning to mix myself with the atmosphere of them being my new friends. I am still in the adjustment period.

Third week....Fourth week. I learned and will learn new things. I'm learning to adjust with my new environment.

But i still miss them. I will always miss them. They were the people who were there in my teeny-yucky years. We laughed our asses out, we cried, we bitched, we helped each other, we learned from our mistakes....everything. :C

I'm getting okay. Aja aja! I'm learning to love and be proud with /of UP Manila. Soon. :D

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 11:09:51 GMT

Congrats, self.

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 14:08:59 GMT

People hate me.
Me hates me.
You hate me.
He hates me.
She hates me.

Period.

I'm God's most perfect JOKE. Thanks for that. I wish i could laugh at my ownself and pinpoint every mistake i did, am doing and will do.

Thanks to you.

You've been good enough to hate me. You're at your best showing me how hateful i am. You did a good job kid.

Now, you've made me hate myself more than you do. Congrats and good luck to your path of madness.

Bye bye.

(PS: I don't hate you --or i really hate you but denying to hate you? One thing's sure, i hate myself more than i hate you).

Can somebody throw me a thesaurus and look for another word that would give the same 'arrive' as hate?!

(Drama lang to. Last entry, i guess. What a good ending...real great, congrats, self)

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 13:45:06 GMT

Oo, prom yan.

Tiara + Orange Chuck Taylors + Net stockings + Fluffy ring + Stocking chuva on the hand = Rina's Perfect Look.

Sige pa. Pumose pa sa banyo.

Prom shoes. XD

Ayoko na magdagdag ng pictures, tinatamad na ako. :))

Teka...bakit nga ba nage-LJ pa ako?

Tatlong taon na pala.

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 13:59:10 GMT

Tatlong taon na ang nakakaraan, hindi pa uso ang unlimited texting noon, naglalandian na ang ating mga daliri pagdating ng alas singko ng gabi. Magloload ako ng trenta, mauubos at pag naubos na, awat na. Hindi pa nakuntento sa cellphone, tatawag ka sa telepono, mag-uusap tayo. Kumustahan. At kahit na may dalawang segundong tahimik tayo pareho, sigurado ako, hindi nabura ang ngiti sa mga labi natin noon.

Tatlong taon na ang nakakaraan, hindi pa uso ang unlimited texting noon, may nalalaman ka ng:

"Takot akong baka makita mong mahal kita... Takot akong mahalata mong nahuhulog na ako para sayo.. Takot ako.. Hindi dahil baka malaman mo, kundi baka kahit malaman mo, eh wala lang sayo.."

"I don’t know why I keep on loving you despite the fact that I’ll get hurt again, just like before, I never learn but then, I don’t want to. Not now, not while I’m still strong enough to fall in love."

Tatlong taon na ang nakakaraan, hindi pa uso ang unlimited texting noon, hindi pwedeng hindi ka maggu-goodnight, magsu-sweet dreams at magsa-smile ng marami. (yung letter u.) Hindi pa makukuntento, tatawag pa sa telepono para mag-goodnight ulit. May 'ingat' pa sa dulo.

Tatlong taon na ang nakakaraan, hindi pa uso ang unlimited texting noon, at ngayon, 2007 na, 15 pesos lang, pwede ka ng magtext ng kahit ilan na gusto mo. Kung kelan mura na magtext...saka ka naman nawala. :c

Siguro nga may laman ang bawat piso natin noon. San na napunta yung mga yun ngayon?

*Ay pota, bat ba ang emo ko?

Random rambling.

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 14:34:25 GMT

I hope i can think that i'm bigger than the world i'm into so that nothing can bring me to frustration and depression, but then i thought, how could i be bigger than the world when in fact i'm just standing 5 feet, 4 inches, and has a mass 50 kilos and all that. I can't be. I won't be. Sue me for getting literal.

I hate everytime i wake up being hopeful of what will happen with the world. That makes disillusionment almost certain.

I still don't know where college i'm going to after highschool. Well, definitely not Miriam.

Prom's gonna be this Friday. I hope Make-up artist Miray (my sister) is available on that day. I need bronzer, kaso ang mahal! And i need threading, BADLY. I'm thankful i won't be needing pedicure since i'll be wearing closed shoes. No more 4-inch stilletos! Yey! I just hope the conventional teachers would allow me to enter the prom premises without babbling much words regarding my shoes. I'd still wish that my last dance would be worthy.

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 14:22:57 GMT

Lovelle: Ansarap gaguhin ni Rina
Rina: Eh tange, ako kaya yung nangagago
Lovelle: Ay... ansarap pala sapakin.

###

Rina: *turo sa isang lalakeng nakauniform na parang " - " * Lovelle oh, " - ".
Lovelle: *tawa*
Allan: Yun din oh, " - "
Rina and Lovelle: Tange, naka-blue lang, hindi naman kasi yan yung uniform eh!
Allan: *sarcastic na*, Yan oh, " - " naaaaa!
Rina: Ay pota ka, " - " ngaaaa! seryosooo!

###

Why am i always the villain?

I promise to be less outspoken, less intimidating and less less less less myself. The hell do i have to show you fuckin' people who i really am.

###

Para sa'yo:

Hindi ko alam kung ano mali sa'yo o kung may tama ba talaga sa pagkatao mo, ang alam ko lang eh, isa kang aswang na nagkatawang-tao.

Hindi siguro para sa atin ang salitang "sorry". Nag-sorry ako, hindi mo tinanggap. Nag-sorry ka, hindi ko alam kung tatanggapin ko pa.

Nakakasawa ka maging kaibigan.

Bumalik ka na lang sa pagiging aswang mo.

###

Bati na tayo diba? diba? diba?

###

Ang yabang mo.

Merry Christmas.

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 08:41:57 GMT

Once upon a time....

"Maybe, subcontiously, i'm taking pleasure whenever i see myself hurting," she said and bursted into tears.

10 minutes later, she committed suicide.

-The End-

###

Dear Mr. No-Existence-From-Now-On,

Thank you for not greeting me a merry christmas (or happy holidays). I just wish you didn't had one too. ; )

Still existing but not for you,
Rina

Spill the dirt, loverboy!

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 21:41:54 GMT

I totally enjoyed the dirt-spilling we had last night. Pamatay pa rin yung, "It's not about SEX or anything that would go beyond your "gentlemanliness" so spill it out NOW!" Hahahaha.

Masaya talaga ako para sa'yo kahit medyo nalulungkot ako. Kulang na kaming chichibog ng Country Style o ng Cantonese Dumplings. Kulang na kami sa laklakan ng Gulaman sa foodcourt. Kulang na kaming tatambay sa Fully Booked hanggang sa lamigin. Wala na kaming uutangan pag biglang nagutom at 'di available ang wallet o ATM ni Jen. Wala na kaming tiga-dala ng mabibigat na gamit. Wala nang magaaya sa mga Eat-All-You-Can (Cabalen). Wala na kaming pisnging makukurot pag nanggigigil kami. Wala na yung mga panahong kasabay ka namin umuwi...at kapag na-rape kami, kasalanan mo, ugok ka!

Pero masaya talaga ako para sa'yo. Nagbunga na yung pinaghirapan at pinagkagastusan mo ng ilang buwan. Masaya ka na, MAS MASAYA ka na ngayon. Binata ka na. Ibang-iba ka na sa teddy bear na inaasar ko nung first year. Antangkad-tangkad mo na, ang lalim-lalim na ng boses mo. Natutuwa ako kasi nasubaybayan kitang magmature. Natutuwa ako kasi naging parte ako ng pagtanda mo.

Masaya talaga ako para sa'yo, Loverboy.

Ang mundo, ang oras at ako.

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 13:28:58 GMT

Bumibilis ang oras, hindi ko na mahabol.

Natatakot akong madapa, kasi baka pagnadapa ako, hindi na ako makatakbo pa at lalong lalayo ang distansiya ng mundo sakin.

Minsan, napapagod na rin ako maghabol. Hindi ko alam kung mahahabulin pa ba ako o tumatakbo ako sa wala.

Let's finish your rope.

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 13:52:54 GMT

Let's go with the spin and play with the knot TONIGHT and ONLY TONIGHT.
Tomorrow is another rope.

(thank you Micah and ten-peso load for making this happen)

~~Kumag ka.~~

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 10:13:28 GMT

Ang sarap pala ng feeling na binubuhat ka ng MGA lalakeng pinagnanasaan mo at unti-unti mong nasasabi sa sarili mo, "uy, pwet ko na yun ah!"

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 13:55:36 GMT

Dear God,

when i told you that i do not want a movie-star-faced lovelife, i was just joking.

this is not an i-am-heartbroken entry.

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 14:02:46 GMT

Hope has sprung a perfect dive
A perfect day, a perfect lie.
--dashboard confessional ("The Good Fight")

(Nainggit ako sa post ni Micah na may lyrics eh :3 )

I'm a loser
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
Of all the love I have won or have lost
there is one love I should never have crossed
She was a girl in a million, my friend
I should have known she would win in the end

I'm a loser
~~And I lost someone who's near to me~~
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be

Although I laugh and I act like a clown
Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown
My tears are falling like rain from the sky
~~Is it for her or myself that I cry~~

I'm a loser
~~And I lost someone who's near to me~~
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be

What have I done to deserve such a fate
I realize I have left it too late
And so it's true, pride comes before a fall
I'm telling you so that you won't lose all

I'm a loser
~~And I lost someone who's near to me~~
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
--The Beatles ("I am a loser")

This isn't self-pity, but this is what i saw when i detached (imaginarily) my soul from the boldness of my skin. I'm not what I appear to be. Apathetic, yes. Lethargy, perhaps.

Hahahaha. A day or two after this entry, i'll probably gonna laugh about it.

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 08:42:19 GMT

The world is getting bigger and i feel too small for it (thank you City of Angels for actually translating verbally the feeling i've been contemplating for days and thanks to Micah for lending me that dvd). Maybe because i've been swallowed up by emotional imbalances these past few days and have been strayed away from the juices of reality.

I've been off from this journal for like...ages. And weird thing, i don't miss blogging at all. Reality bites, i think past would hunt me til i reach tomorrow or the tomorrow after tomorrow and so on. Perhaps i'm afraid to be dragged by yesterday's memories and that may cause to cease my maturity.

Whatever.

I'm here in a cybercafe where everyone's checking their friendster accounts (and someone had asked me if he could add me up) making my monitor stand out from others. Whatever again.

(I missed the Idol last night. SHIT!)

(I three-fourths-ly done with christmas shopping! Yehey! :3)

(I didn't go to school today. Reason: none)

bakit kailangan pang buhayin ang LJ na to?

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:10:16 GMT

Rina: Earl, na-inlove ka na ba?
Earl: hindi pa.
Rina: Kahit sa porn star?
Earl: *grins*
Rina: Eh sakin?
Earl: *shook his head*
Rina: Promise?
Earl: bakit, porn star ka ba?
Rina: ULUL.

Pag kami nagkatuluyan nito ni Earl, ewan ko na lang.

Miguel, love me back.

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 12:10:12 GMT

Miguel Mendoza is now out of the Idol. Though it wasn't that much of a shock, still, a competition wouldn't be exciting if there was no underdog. I love underdogs. :))

So Miguel, if ever you're reading it (though there is 99.9% chance that you are not), three words, LOVE ME BACK. :))

I almost cried when Ryan-slash-feelingSeacrest announced that Mau would be one of the three finalists. It must be you, i know. Jan should have been the one eliminated 'cause he's a bastard who has an empty brain which only function is to smile and sing, period. But you Miguel, you have everything except for experience. One-third of my heart belongs to you though you act more feminine than i am. Wohooo. Well, Gian owns the other two-thirds. I'm happy that Mr. C would be sitting beside you to write a song...can i be your inspiration? :))

I should have asked for your autograph when i saw you at LaSalle (DLSU-cet, Oct. 15, 2006). You were standing there waiting for your ride. You were a bit smaller than what i see on tv. Still, you're the Miguel Mendoza i was stalking on multiply. :))

Hahahaha.

Fanatic post. This is crap.

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 22:40:05 GMT

Why do most people my age love spongecola? Sure, Yael Yuzon has the appeal of the hey-i'm-a-cool-college-dude-so-girls-go-gaga-over-me, but heck, hearing his voice singing the 'Wag kang Bibitiw' (and it tops on myx!) makes me just want to stuff anything on my ear and hide at any corner where music is plainly music, not noise.

And ow, if i were one of the Apo dudes, i would NEVER EVER allow them to sing one of my songs not because they don't sing well but because they will never ever *echo* give justice to those beautiful songs.

Oh well.

I'm sure fanatic girls would throw me the exact same question when the rina-loves-herself disgusts them. :)) Why does Rina love herself? Like she was...ulk! She dresses up like a milkmaid and thinks like a cow plus she has the accent of an Indian. Taht's so gross... Is she human?

Hahahahahahaha.

Bright.

PS: I mistakenly thought that Spongecola was the one who sang the Spongbob song. :))

Okay...that's all, i'm off for MTAP. Gonna see yooooooouuuuuu...

i hunger for ... for some ... some of your ... glances.

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 12:28:51 GMT

I feel sorry for myself.

I'm getting bothered with the uppersectionpeople-versus-lowersectionpeople issue maybe because i'm one of the insecured dudes of the lower sections. Perhaps, yes, i feel inferior not because i don't excel academically but because most people (80% of these people are teachers) see them as the only creatures who deserve attention and prvileges. Oo na, papansin na.

Maybe they really are acadamically-good students and that they deserve to get appreciation. But hello, look at us (lower-section people), they consider us as either slackers or plain performers (we excel at class presentations, Ma'am Villar said, that's where we are good at. ONLY good at.)

Can't they just judge us by the words that came out of our mouths and not by the letters we write on test papers? Can't they just see us as individuals with intellect and sense and not as a victim of the homogenous sectioning? Can't we just impress them by our ownselves and not by the scores they record on their notebooks? ...Can you? Can they?...

We deserve respect.
We deserve fairness.
And we deserve appreciation.

(well, this may sound pathetic. Lethargy, baby.)

Congratulations Xean for winning the Local Science Quiz bee, EINSTEIN YAN!

PS: i don't consider a person intelligent unless he writes well or speaks well.

greener planets.

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 12:13:26 GMT

This is the effect of getting yourself too attached with dealing with so many people --you expect them to be always there beside you; you expect them to be on you side for all ways; and you expect them to listen from every letter that comes out of your mouth.

You see them, not the people you used to hang out with, but people who had greener skins than before. They were no longer the persons who used to be in willingness to share your life's ups and downs with.

Disappointed.

And yes, lonely.

But haven't you realized that you could have gone away from that skin they used to attached themselves to? Admit it, you've now drifted from your soul to another (could have been from Saturn or somewhere in Norway). They've branded your alienated self as a stranger to the world you once shared.

Mutual, isn't it?

And now, you're laughing about it, wanting to end this article with no regrets at all but you cannot. You're not good at making endings, you hate endings. Not because it kills your ego but because you want this to straighten up. That's who you really are, an optimist.

You = I

*period* . *period* . *period* .

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 11:13:39 GMT

Naisip ko lang,
okay pala rumampa
sa pedestrian lane
hindi lang dahil
nagsoslow-down
ang mga sasakyan
kaya pag nasagasaan ka
hindi ka pa rin patay
dahil walang impact
hindi lang yon,
yayaman ka pa
dahil sasagutin
ng kawawang driver
ang danyos perwisyos.

Amen.

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 11:59:19 GMT

It's the metaphor that concealed
the flaws you have had
it's as f an eagle had flown
and covered it with its shadow.
wide.
dark.
evil.

Para sa mapanlinlang na pagsulat. (Matagal na to eh, third year pa.)

Whew! Nonetheless it's step in the right direction. It's a step in the right direction nonetheless.

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 11:40:19 GMT

I was supposed to buy a refill for the G-tech case i got from Lady awhile ago, but then something just knocked out my moment of getting into the counter, ask for the 41 peso-worth of ink. "Huwag ka ngang gumamit o gumawa ng mga bagay dahil uso ito," i told myself. I imaginarily saw myself as a bright yellow crayon inside a crayola box mingling with dull-colored crayons. Yes, i do stand out, but still, i was JUST like "them". I could have just gone out of the box and fill the things that need my color.

*back to reality*

This is the problem with "creatures" my age. We always try to fit in when in fact, we could just fill and occupy our own world. We do things that everybody does. And that we're given impressions in general. Though it may not sound as bothering to everybody but me, i attest to impressions as individuals. I deserve some appreciations for me-having-an-edge-among-everybody-else. :)) --Plus, getting my name associated with those dirt-like creatures sucks big time! Wahahaha. (yabang eh no?)

PS: Oh well, that's life. Just like what Zafra said, ALL PEOPLE ARE ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN BELIEFS --i'm entitled to whatever i believe in. No matter how angsty, how moronic, how stupid it is. Bow.

###

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

No.
Explanations.

1. Yourself:
bothered.

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend (spouse),
non-existent

3. Your hair:
dry

4. Your mother:
asleep

5. Your Father:
hilarious

6. Your Favorite Item:
pens

7. Your dream last night:
insignificant

8. Your Favorite drink:
melon (shake)

9. Your Dream Car:
Porsche

10. The room you are in:
messy

11. Your Ex:
(also) non-existent

12. Your fear:
death

13. What you want to be in 10 years?
student (still)

14. Who you hung out with last night?
Bombero-kids

15. What You're Not?
silent

16. Muffins:
yummy. :p

17: One of Your Wish List Items:
diary

18: Time:
8:50 pm

19. The Last Thing You Did:
sat

20. What You Are Wearing:
pajamas

21. Your Favorite Weather:
sunny

22. The Last Thing You Ate:
porkchop.

23. Your Life:
~~non-existent. JOKE!~~deprived.

24. Your Mood:
cranky

25. Your best friend:
Bombero-kids

26. What are you thinking about right now?
boys! :))

27. Your car:
none.

28. What are you doing at the moment?
procastinating

29. Your summer:
love! :))

30. Your relationship status:
single

31. What is on your TV?
Pinoy Pop Star! :))

32. What is the weather like?
inconsistent.

33. When is the last time you laughed?
kanina.

###

I got a polka-printed umbrella today! Yehey!

###

I enjoy hearing/saying the word ESOPHAGUS, don't know why.

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 12:58:26 GMT

Sometimes, i consider myself as a bunch of ugly meat the wolves would love to crave for. Maybe subconciously i was thinking i was a better creature than a human and that i don't deserve this kind of existence. I could have become a cloud instead. A beautiful cloud who sees everything in top view, everything in general and appreciates the beauty of what humans are taking for granted; A blissful cloud that will just precipitate its tears in a particle called rain and the heavy feeling would vanish in a glimpse afterwards. This could give me the key to escape from the lusty and greedy world of humans --creatures God had given most imperfections.

I'm tired of everything.

I need some reinvention for myself. Reinvention all the way. Reinventing who i am, WHAT i am and the place i dwell into.

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 11:43:50 GMT

Brushing my teeth with hell toothpaste from Kenya is NOW OVER. Yehey!